4/10/13

Feelings of Insecurity and a Challenge


I'm sure all of you have had some point in your life where you've felt insecure in some way.  If you haven't, you must either be lying to yourself, or you are just a really lucky person!  But this post is for those of us who have experienced feelings of not being pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, rich enough, or just plain good enough.

I've been out of high school for almost eleven years (for those of you who just did the math...yes, I am THAT old).  Throughout that time I have never felt like I was back in high school, until just recently.  You see, blogging can be a very positive and rewarding experience.  I have made so many friends and learned to push myself out of my comfort zone.  But people don't usually talk about the negative side of blogging.  The part that leaves you with a sense of self-doubt and feelings of inferiority.  You can't help but notice when other blogs seem like they gain a million readers overnight, or when someone else just bought the latest designer clothing that you wish you had (but can't afford).   And I can deal with those feelings.  I can keep focused on bettering my blog and making genuine connections and friendships.  I can continue to challenge myself to put together outfits that the average woman can afford.  But, what I can not deal with is bloggers who project an air of superiority, while treating others as if they are beneath them.

I have always been a shy person, so I completely understand when people have a hard time talking to others in public situations.  However, since I'm that type of person, I understand the difference between being shy and completely avoiding people you don't want to talk to.  When someone makes an attempt to talk to you, you should try to make some kind of conversation back...even if it's just small talk.  Or if someone politely asks if you will be in their picture, maybe you should be a kind person and just do it, instead of saying no and hurting someone's feelings.  No matter how "popular" you may be, it is not acceptable behavior to stick your nose in the air and completely ignore someone standing next to you.  We are adults and I assumed that cliques were a thing of the past, but unfortunately they are alive and well in the blogging community.  In high school, I was never a part of any specific group.  I had friends on my cheerleading squad, in the band, on sports teams, in the Honor Society, in Theatre...I tried to be friends with everyone, because I thought popularity was dumb.  I thought cliques were dumb.  And you know what? I still think they are dumb.  

I found myself in this exact situation at a recent event and I felt a sickening feeling come across me: I really wanted to fit in.  I wanted the money, the clothes, the followers...I wanted it all.  And I think it's alright to want those things.  BUT, if it requires excluding other people and being fake? Count me out.  With that said, I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so I'm hoping that these bloggers don't intentionally act the way they do.  Maybe they don't understand that they are making other people feel bad.  But I think we all need to take a step back and assess ourselves sometimes...are we treating other people the way we would like to be treated? It's the Golden Rule people!  Jeffrey R. Holland said it best: "Be kind, and be grateful that God is kind.  It is a happy way to live."

The point of this post isn't to complain.  I just want everyone to know that you ARE good enough.  Be yourself and people will notice that you are special.  Let your beauty from within shine bright.  Be kind and you might just make someone's day a little better.  I have a challenge for each and every one of you reading this.  I challenge you to reach out to someone you don't know very well.  Not out of pity, guilt, or selfish desires, but in genuine hopes of forming some type of real connection.  Because THAT, my friends, is what really matters.  You can have money and fame, but if you don't have authentic relationships and friendships, does any of the other stuff matter?

44 comments:

  1. awww, im so grateful we are friends/eating buddies! xoxo

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    1. Me too Tiff!! And to think...we never would have been friends if it weren't for blogging :)

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  2. That is terrible. It's hard to shake that feeling of being ignored or shunned. I joined a mommy blog group on FB of local Moms in LA that blog. The organizer asked everyone to comment on a post about schools and I guess she felt my comment was negative because I questioned the school's approach. She wrote to me to say that she did not approve my comment then publicly posted on the FB page this rant about "if you can't find something positive to say on my post, well then..." I was so shocked and embarassed (even though she did not call out my name) that I sent her a note to apologize for the 2nd time and gracioulsy bow out of the group to which she replied "Yes, you better leave. This group is not for you" THIS WAS OVER ONE COMMENT I MADE THAT SHE SAW AS NEGATIVE. I moved on but for a few days felt really hurt that a grown woman with 2 kids could be such a mean girl. shake it off sista' that woman who did that to you is full of self doubt and insecurity so that is why she has such little class and behave that way

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    1. Oh no! It's sad when people aren't allowed to share their opinions or views. If everyone had the same views/style/everything that would be so boring, right? And I think it shows how classy you are that you apologized, even though your intentions were never to offend!

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  3. Yay! Love this Jenny! I think you are spectacular!!

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    1. Aww, thank you Kelsey. It's so weird for me to put my feelings out there like this, haha :)

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  4. Wow. This is a great post. I'm sure it was difficult for you being that you're shy. I can relate. Hopefully those bloggers will read this post and get a better understanding that this isn't HS nor a competition and being being rude is so not cool! Hope the rest of your week goes well. :-)


    Mo
    Who is that girl Mo?

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    1. Thank you! I used to be reallly shy, but I've pushed myself to be more outgoing...I'm slowly getting better! And I agree, being rude is not cool at all :)

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  5. You are awesome and this is awesome!!!

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    1. Aww, thanks Alyssa...I think you are pretty awesome too :)

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing this, Jenny!
    Your honesty and openness is truly refreshing and I really appreciate your willingness to be candid with how you are feeling.
    Everything you have said here resonates with me, and on one hand it makes me sad, but on the other hand (especially after reading a post like this!) it encourages me to step out of my comfort zone to prevent others from feeling the same way. One thing I love about blogging is the community. Coming home to beautiful, sincere comments left on my posts brings me a joy that few other things can, and I want others to experience THAT side of blogging.
    It's part of our human nature to compare ourselves to others (I fall into this so often!) and with blogging (fashion in particular) it can be so easy to compare myself to others... but what I think everyone needs to know (myself included) is that there is nothing more beautiful, unique, or engaging than being truly yourself.
    I'm a pretty new reader to your blog, Jenny, but I have loved every second that I spend browsing your site! And your Sunday Style link up has connected me with so many other bloggers - I am so appreciative of that!
    Thank you for everything you do, and for your heart to share your feelings with us today. You are so special, and this community would not be the same without you!
    Have a lovely day, my dear :)
    -Carley
    xx
    www.littlebirdlee.blogspot.ca

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    1. Oh Carly, this comment made my eyes water a little bit! It's so nice to hear people say they understand how I'm feeling. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just a little crazy, haha. But yes, I wish everyone could feel the joy that comes from blogging...the good definitely outweighs the bad. Thank you so much for reading and please know that even though I don't have time to comment on everyone's blogs (being a wife, mom and flight attendant makes that a little difficult) I always try to at least visit and see what you're up to, so thanks for leaving your link!

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  7. Hey Jenny! I love this post! I hope I didn't make you feel that way at all. I think your great and ALWAYS enjoy talking to you. It was a crazy night. I had a hard time because there are so many blogger now and there just isn't enough time to talk to everyone. Sorry that you felt that way. I do think that it's easy to get caught up in the blogging world, I find myself doing it. I'm so glad I just got a job that has nothing to do with blogging or fashion. It will help me remember whats important. Thank you for your post!

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    1. Shannon, you totally didn't. You are always so friendly and outgoing! You are always willing to talk to ANYONE and I think you are so sweet. I'm so glad you got the job!! That is so exciting!

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  8. love this so much! i can completely relate. at first blogging was really positive and motivational for me but lately it's kind of lowered my self esteem which is so nuts because i'm not the type of person to feel down about myself. it's hard because as bloggers we are always reading and looking at other bloggers. it's hard not to be envious of certain things. there's a fine line between wanting to improve yourself and wanting to BE someone else.
    thank you for this! xx

    and for the record -- i love you and your blog.

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    1. Jessica, it's so true! We are surrounded by all these images of pretty things and that's what people like to see (especially on Pinterest, Instagram, etc), so it's hard when you don't have the means to own those pretty things! But yes, improving ourselves is something we can all work on...I never want to be anyone else, just the best me I can be!

      And I love your awesome blog too and speaking of envy...kinda jealous of where you live ;)

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  9. Thank you for sharing this! Real connections and relationships are all that matter, not money or fame, or how many followers someone has on a dumb blog! It is so easy to get caught up in all of that and I am glad you helped us realize that it's not that important!

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    1. It's definitely hard. Of course I want people to read my blog (why else would I work so hard on it)...but being obsessed with the numbers is pointless, because what am I going to do about it?! As long as people focus on what's important and stay true to themselves, they will truly shine! Thanks for your sweet comment :)

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  10. Your sentence on the bloggers who gain a million followers overnight really struck with me. I started my blog just over a year ago and remember being super jealous of all the people who could go from starting to having hundreds of followers and getting paid sponsors in less than a month (or so it seemed). I had to remind myself that everybody has different personalities and my personality doesn't really lend itself to the amount of self-promotion and interaction that is required to grow that fast. I might be growing slower, but I'm still growing and meeting some wonderful ladies along the way.

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  11. I think feeling enough is a lot of people's life long struggle. I've made a lot of progress in this area but there's always something nagging in the back of my head saying,"you could be doing MORE." Which is true, of course, but is also a lot of pressure to place on myself. I'm highly productive, always on the move, pursuing passions...and it never feels like enough. I need to move through that feeling.


    xoxo,

    Jules of Canines & Couture
    www.caninesandcouture.com

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  12. This is such a great post. While I really love blogging and have also made some wonderful friends from it, there is definitely a negative aspect to it at times. I've wanted to make a post about a similar blogging situation I was in, but I was worried about alienating readers. Good for your for sharing your opinion and I'm sorry that this woman was so harsh with you. It is really sad that there are still mean girls out there, you would think that goes away after high school but sadly for some people it does not. My mom is almost 50 and she had to deal with mean girls at her work! Whenever she entered a room, her female co-workers would all stop talking abruptly, and then start giggling, as if they were all in on some secret that my mother wasn't privy to. Luckily my mom was able to leave that job, but it's just so sad to know that women her age still act like that. You just need to remember that the way people act rarely ever has anything to do with you, and is entirely based around their own insecurities.
    Nicole
    www.younglovestyle.blogspot.com

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  13. This really resonates with me. Thanks for being so honest.

    I decided to write a post about pulling back on my blogging because of some of the issues it brings up.

    At the end of my post I wrote that I will blog with heart, I will blog when I want to, and I will blog because it makes me happy. If you can keep your focus on doing it for the reasons that are right for you, then you are less likely to feel disillusioned or disappointed I think.

    You can read the full post here if you want

    http://bisous.typepad.com/bisous/2013/04/gratitude.html

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  14. That's how I live my life; treat others how you want to be treated. I totally feel you, the pressure to own that 'it' thing is exhausting! I learned the hard way after quitting my job and pursuing the blogging this FT, doing that saw me almost deplete my savings! It's not worth it, the blogging world is saturated with fashion peeps all doing the same thing so why be rude! We're all here trying to make it so why not help each other out! Fortunately I've made some amazing friends and haven't seen this ugly side too much. I did note the 'cool kids' of my area who don't seem to respond or acknowledge, but meh, I stopped supporting them too and it's funny to see how others in their 'group' are succeeding more than the ones who want to remain exclusive... Karma.


    SDMxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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  15. There is definitely something fishy sweeping the blog world an I don't like it one bit. How naive of me to think the blogger world was a totally safe space where we all support each other. I hate that there is so much drama going on and I hope that you can continue to blog your way through it. I see the cliques and the overnight successes. I'm not a part of any of that and I guess we just have to push aside any negativity that comes our way not care about it. I think it's great you shared your thoughts on this.

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    1. I have to add to this that I HATE that bloggers can't just all be supportive of eachother. I hate that everyone makes it all a competition instead of just enjoying what each person has to offer!

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  16. I know what you mean about people going stardom overnight (heck, you were one of them!!) I definitely feel down when blogs grow so fast, and i watch mine slowly fall behind. i wonder what i'm doing wrong? do i need to be a better writer? have better clothes? be funnier? be prettier? it NEVER ends, though!! That's why it's so important to just be happy with who YOU are! :) I'm sure even the "big name bloggers" feel like this, too. People always want MORE. it's endless! I used to think, "oh if i reach 1000 followers i'll be happy". but that's not true. i know that someday when i get there, i'll want 2000. then 3000. and i definitely feel left out sometimes... it seems like utah bloggers everywhere are "lunching" together, and i never get invited. but it's pointless for me to feel that way, it's such a silly reason to feel sad for myself.

    you should be so proud of where you have gotten, it's so great!! :) and i'm so sorry some bratty person said no to taking a picture, that's pretty immature of them haha, no offense.... but what-ever! forget em!

    your blog is awesome, you are awesome, you're married with two darling kids, you have a dream job... i think you are great :)

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    1. Rachel,
      I just wanted to let you know that you are an AMAZING blogger! I love your fashion and always read (though I don't always have time to comment.) Keep going girl, it's worth it! You'll get to your 3,000 soon! ;)
      Natasha
      A Modest Fashion Blog:
      www.natashaatkerson.blogspot.com

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    2. <3 <3 <3 thanks natasha. you touched my heart.

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  17. I'm so sorry you were treated that way, nobody deserves that. Unfortunately, I've been the victim of cliques numerous times. In the midst of hurting though, I realized it was a good chance for me to realize that I need to be very careful not to leave people out (unintentionally). So I'm a lot more sensitive to people who are left out or sitting alone not being talked to.

    As for the number of readers, I think there will always be someone who has more followers or pageviews. No one can explain why blogger X gets 9,000 followers over night and blogger Y gets 100 over a years time. It's important to remember why you started blogging and keep blogging for that reason, even if the comments and followers don't come.
    Hope you have a fantastic day!
    Natasha
    A Modest Fashion Blog:
    www.natashaatkerson.blogspot.com

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  18. there is so much craziness happening right now that I don't want to be involved in at all and it really sucks, but this post definitely hits home because I totally agree with what you're saying. be YOU in the first place and people can either take it or leave it! I've made a point to always be real ever since I started blogging because I wanted to be that kind of person that other bloggers would meet in person and think "hey, this is girl is just like I thought". I love this post.

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  19. Great post! Wow, it can be so hard to be yourself when blogging, because our minds have tricked us into thinking that if we look cooler, sound more professional, blah blah blah, we'll get more followers. Thanks for the reminder!

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  20. I'm really sorry that you felt this way. I understand exactly how you feel and it sucks. You are enough and that's really hard to accept sometimes. If those people don't want to be friends with you, it's their loss, but I understand.I recently went through a similar situation, a group of moms excluding me. It was awful. I felt like I wasn't good enough, but you know what? They're not good enough for me. They don't deserve my friendship. I love people's kind responses. Keep your chin up and remember we are all good enough :) Don't forget to link up today: show me your favorite spring trend. I'm also hosting a giveaways for a $300 gift card to Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic. Stop by and enter.

    Agi:)

    vodkainfusedlemonade.com

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  21. Great Post. I never thought about all the pressure behind a blog. I just remind myself everyday the reason I started my blog... to record my family history and so my family in other states can keep up to date with our life. I also feel like my blog isn't cool enough or popular enough to be hanging with all of the fabulous blogger people but i JUST have to remember I am doing this for me and to meet wonderful women and I have been able to do that and even if I only have 67 followers... and that doesn't change my purpose. I love blogging so much. i love all the women who blog. its such a fun community. I totally agree about bloggers feeling "superior" to other bloggers. sad.... Cant everyone just get a long? Blah. You're awesome Jenny!! Adore you and LOVE your blog! Keep being you're incredible self.

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  22. Thanks so much for sharing this post. I thought I was the only one who was feeling this way! I had to do a self check the other day. I started my blog for a fun, creative outlet to document our family's adventures and our daughter's growth. It also allowed me to have a little fun with my outfits. I was surprised how quickly looking at other's blogs for fashion inspiration made me feel worse about myself and what I had! It made me question what I was doing wrong, until I realized that this blog was not created for others! It's your blog, your creation, and unique in it's own way. It's not defined by how many followers you have and how many nice clothes you have. I love how real your blog is, and this post again shines light on that. Thanks so much for sharing this, I truly appreciate you and adore your blog :) It's blogs like yours that make this community so great

    Christy
    Sunny with a side of...

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  23. Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm a super-new blogger and have been feeling much of what has been said by and in some of these comments. We all need a reminder now and then.

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  24. I think a lot of bloggers have these same feelings. I've had a really hard time getting followers and that was never my main purpose of blogging but I have felt excluded for a large portion of the LDS style bloggers. I don't know if it is because I don't live in UT or because I do live in CA. I don't know. I have always tried to be friendly and polite because my purpose was to gain friendships with others who had similiar interest and similiar lifestyles. I do sometimes wish I could join you ladies on all your blogger night out stuff. Not sure if that's what you are refering to in this post but that's frustating. Why can't we has woman just be kind to one another.
    Method Clothe

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  25. AMEN sister! I have been considering writing about the same thing, it was really hard for me to be shut down like that at the event last weekend. I totally felt like I was in HS again, ugh... so not fun! Thanks for writing your feelings down and I am so grateful we found such a fun group of girls!! Yay!! :) I love nice people!
    -Bridgette

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  26. Well said.
    Carolyn
    http://www.ccmcafeeperspective.com/

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  27. Jen,
    This was our first blogger event since we are new to the blogging world and we felt the exact same way. It made us question why we are doing a blog because if that is what it is all about we don't want to be a part of it. I am so glad you spoke out because this is what blogging should be about. We love your blog and you are an inspiration to us. I hope we can chat at the next event and keep up the good work!

    Steph & Jess
    Saltstyleblog.com

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  28. I really appreciated this post. I can't thank you enough.

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  29. Jenny,
    Thank you for having the courage to put your real feelings out there. So many strong points here. I have experienced the ugly side of blogging, too, and it always makes me question why I'm even a part of this blogging world. But it's the genuine people like you that remind me of the cause we should all be championing. I'm a huge fan of Elder Holland, too. One my favorite quotes of his is this:

    "No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us - insecurities, anxieties, poor self-image, and all. He doesn't measure our talents or our looks; He doesn't measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other."

    Thank you for being real. I'm so glad you shared your feelings. (Don't even think about hitting that delete button!) We all feel the pain of comparing ourselves to others, whether we're brave enough to admit it or not. You are darling and such an example of strength and confidence. Just keep on being you!

    I wasn't at the event, but I can't help but feel sad having been the one who organized it. Would you be willing to email me details about this so we can find better ways to make these events enjoyable for everyone (especially bloggers)?

    xo!!
    Amanda
    wwww.littlemissfearless.com

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